Currently..

Mostly, I try to keep any talk of work off my blog. Just in case my employers wander by, I'd prefer to keep work talk 'off limits'.

But, right now, I can't keep my mouth shut.

I'll be vague but I still am going to vent.

I've had the same childcare position for two years. I watch the youngest child and then help out with the older siblings as needed (eg. before/after school, vacations, shuffling to events, etc). I've had a bad taste in my mouth all along in regards to how they appreciate me (or more accurately, don't). I'd just stuff that feeling down--they are nice to me on my birthday and Christmas-- maybe it's just me.

Well, the whole taxes thing was the last straw. We decided in the beginning I'd get paid on the books and through this and that (trying to make a long story short here..), I found out they are getting the most bang for their buck while I'm paying through the NOSE to work for them. (let me add here that I've been a trusting fool through all this and this mistake is very heavily on me because I did just that)

In case you aren't up to speed, I have many posts on here about how our financial status is beyond dire. The last thing I need is to OWE taxes which, as it stands now, I do owe. (I have an accountant now --more money to pay out that I don't have-- so that I *maybe* can get some of that back)

SO, with all that looming, I put my two weeks in and quit.

In some ways, I'm a fool for quitting a job that is very necessary income for us. In other ways, I truly can *not* endure any more of this emotional trauma. I know, I'm being dramatic. However, if you consider that I am tending to their most prized possessions, I deserve SO much better.

Especially, since I've put my two weeks in, I've gotten replies from them such as "Oh, ok, that's fine" and, on the other hand, nothing. Yes, the mother of this child has said NOTHING about me leaving since I quit.

Gotta love it. Talk about feeling under valued.

So, to sum it all up, I'm a bit of a mess. Having to work these last four days (over the course of two weeks) has been nothing short of traumatic. I'm a disaster with 'goodbyes' so that's not helping me. Face it, the little girl and I have been together since she was 8 months old. I've watched the milestones, taught her some of them, been called "mama" most of this two years (now she uses my name), and cared for her like one of my own. I'm not saying I won't be glad when it's all over, it's just the anticipation of it all ending that doesn't work for me. And to have the parents basically doing a happy dance over it (realizing, of course, that they are saving a BUNDLE but just putting her in day care those two days a week) isn't making my transition any easier either.

I want to run. I want to never go back. I want to not have to talk to them ever again. But I have one more day to work. I also need the tax info. I also need a letter notarized so that I can prove to the assistance agencies that I no longer have this income.( oh joys, LOVE that part)

But, through all this, I am keeping my faith. I know God won't let us down. I'm actively looking for more work so that we won't be straight out. I just need that last bit of strength to get through this last week and be able to look back at it as a very expensive 'live and learn'.