Thursday, February 26, 2009


Mostly, I try to keep any talk of work off my blog. Just in case my employers wander by, I'd prefer to keep work talk 'off limits'.

But, right now, I can't keep my mouth shut.

I'll be vague but I still am going to vent.

I've had the same childcare position for two years. I watch the youngest child and then help out with the older siblings as needed (eg. before/after school, vacations, shuffling to events, etc). I've had a bad taste in my mouth all along in regards to how they appreciate me (or more accurately, don't). I'd just stuff that feeling down--they are nice to me on my birthday and Christmas-- maybe it's just me.

Well, the whole taxes thing was the last straw. We decided in the beginning I'd get paid on the books and through this and that (trying to make a long story short here..), I found out they are getting the most bang for their buck while I'm paying through the NOSE to work for them. (let me add here that I've been a trusting fool through all this and this mistake is very heavily on me because I did just that)

In case you aren't up to speed, I have many posts on here about how our financial status is beyond dire. The last thing I need is to OWE taxes which, as it stands now, I do owe. (I have an accountant now --more money to pay out that I don't have-- so that I *maybe* can get some of that back)

SO, with all that looming, I put my two weeks in and quit.

In some ways, I'm a fool for quitting a job that is very necessary income for us. In other ways, I truly can *not* endure any more of this emotional trauma. I know, I'm being dramatic. However, if you consider that I am tending to their most prized possessions, I deserve SO much better.

Especially, since I've put my two weeks in, I've gotten replies from them such as "Oh, ok, that's fine" and, on the other hand, nothing. Yes, the mother of this child has said NOTHING about me leaving since I quit.

Gotta love it. Talk about feeling under valued.

So, to sum it all up, I'm a bit of a mess. Having to work these last four days (over the course of two weeks) has been nothing short of traumatic. I'm a disaster with 'goodbyes' so that's not helping me. Face it, the little girl and I have been together since she was 8 months old. I've watched the milestones, taught her some of them, been called "mama" most of this two years (now she uses my name), and cared for her like one of my own. I'm not saying I won't be glad when it's all over, it's just the anticipation of it all ending that doesn't work for me. And to have the parents basically doing a happy dance over it (realizing, of course, that they are saving a BUNDLE but just putting her in day care those two days a week) isn't making my transition any easier either.

I want to run. I want to never go back. I want to not have to talk to them ever again. But I have one more day to work. I also need the tax info. I also need a letter notarized so that I can prove to the assistance agencies that I no longer have this income.( oh joys, LOVE that part)

But, through all this, I am keeping my faith. I know God won't let us down. I'm actively looking for more work so that we won't be straight out. I just need that last bit of strength to get through this last week and be able to look back at it as a very expensive 'live and learn'.

Friday, February 13, 2009

XY vs XX

I'll let it speak for itself.

Monday, February 9, 2009


I googled "resilience" and came up with a few things from some articles that popped up.

Resilience means knowing how to cope in spite of setbacks, or barriers, or limited resources.

Amen to that. The 'limited resources' part, especially. Right now, it's no big secret. Dh and I are in a financial crisis. Between being let go, working for peanuts, getting laid off, and now working for a slight bit more than peanuts, it's a tough go.

We just found out that his car has died. Oh, not totally true. It has died unless we want to plunk $2300 into it. It's been a GREAT car. We've LOVED the car. It's now 11 years old and I think it's time to call it quits.

Now what?
The list of broken things around my house grows as each day passes.
Examples include:
1. Garbage disposal
2. plug in my tub
3. toilet in the kids' bathroom
4. my car needs a tune up

Oh, I must be overlooking somethings around here but that's a good start.

What exactly are we supposed to do? We are working with our mortgage company to try to get them to reduce our monthly payment. We've already been asked by those assisting us with Countrywide-- how devoted are you to keeping the home? Eek! Um, LOTS!

I'm trying to get another job. Now Stan's car is dead. Hmm... Ok lets go back to more articles for some words of support and a positive outlook. (I chose the ones I liked best)

Here are a few ideas to consider when you feel like quitting:
1. It is temporary.
2. You need it to learn a valuable lesson.
4. You need to give your life more integrity or character.

9. You need to learn to live in the present moment.
10. You need to learn to take life less seriously

Some of the ones I took out, I really DH and I *had* gained in the last year and a half with all the difficult times we've endured. I keep praying that the lesson to be learned here is NOT to lose the house. Ok, what do we need to be resilient through this?

Factors in Resilience
A combination of factors contributes to resilience. Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience.
Several additional factors are associated with resilience, including:
The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out
A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
Skills in communication and problem solving
The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses
All of these are factors that people can develop in themselves.

Ok, we are very fortunate. We have found out along this wild ride that we have wonderful family and friends that only want the best for us. Thank GOD for each and every one of them!
"Realistic plans:"..? Hm... guess we can work on that one. I'm at a loss as what to do here.
And "manage strong feelings and impulses", ok we can definately work more on that one.

I have to say, I do feel a little better but am wondering how all this will pan out. Sheesh, we didn't need the car to crap out right now.

Prayers and positive thoughts are welcome! And be resilient!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Haven't been around much..

... but it's not because I've not been busy!

So busy!!

I opened a new online shop I need to stock it more but it's up and running. Go and take a look-see. It's much like etsy. I'm not sure what the big difference is yet, I think it has something to do with seller fees being less.

And I've been sewing! I've delved into a new adventure-- American Girl Doll clothes. Some for lil lady and some to sell. Let me know what you think! Here are two samples:

(hey, that pic above has cut out the matching AGD peasant dress.. aw..!!Try this link.)

This below is what's refered to as an "UFO" *unfinished object* I've had this little number sitting in my sewing room for a while. And now, with the new and improved sewing room , I've been able to get all kinds of projects completed. This is an Olivia dress made from flannel. How fun!!

I also made TWO tops for myself, four pairs of panties for lil lady, more matchy girl and Am. Girl Doll clothes, a long ago cut out pair of pj bottoms for me, and whatever else I can't remember! I've been a bit amazed at how seamlessly (lil pun there) all of it's been going together and how much quicker I am at getting things accomplished. Yay me!
We also have been bogged down with very cold weather, lots of snow and ice. Not to mention many library trips, wonderful homeschool classes, and lessons of our own. Not a bad winter, if I don't say so myself. I think the respit in my own house.. my oasis.. really makes life happier for all of us.
I say that now but it's only the beginning of Feb.. many months of cold yet to go!!